Stepson using my home like a motel

Dear Pastor,

My wife and I have been married for 17 years, and we have had our ups and downs.

My wife had two children by two different men before we got married. I have one daughter who is living with my mother. My wife’s son and daughter are living with her. The girl is very obedient, but the boy is out of order. The only thing he does not do is use expletives when I talk to him. He is 20 years old. I told him that if he does not want to hear me, he can find another place to go. I have said that to him many times and my wife said that I am telling him to leave our place.

I told her that what I am saying to him is, if he does not want to listen and obey me, he should bear in mind that this is my house, so he should go on his own. He has never recognised me as his father, so he does not call me daddy and that does not bother me because it is his mother who should have seen to it that he respect me. When we got married, I took the children to school. I paid for them to take their examinations. Their fathers did not assist at all.

This young man has girlfriends and he would take them to the house and into his room and close the door. I told his mother that was not appropriate; he should have respect for us. She said that the boy is over 18, he is a grown man and an adult, so we should not insist that he does not take his girlfriend to the house. The girl does not bring any boyfriends here. Girls visit her, but I am a man and I know that this guy does not just take girls to his room and close the door. He turns up his music so I know that he is having sex with these girls. But his mother doesn’t see anything wrong with what he is doing.

I am a man of peace, I don’t like war. I am not young anymore. I can’t allow this young man to beat me. But as far as I see, his mother wants that to happen, but I will not allow that. I do not know the law, but when this house was bought, it was a two-bedroom and I added on another room and bathroom. My mother and I bought this place because she intended to live here with me. Then I fell in love with this woman. My only sister lives in North America and she took my mother to live with her.

So I told my wife that if we cannot get along and if she continues to give her son every right in what he does here, then we will have to separate. She told me that I will not be able to get her out of the house because she is my legal wife. I don’t know how the law will look at my situation, but I know I am not giving up this place. I am going to live here until I die, but not under these conditions. It is my mother’s house as much as it is mine; her name is on the title.

I cannot tell this young man not to have a woman, but I have a right to tell him that he should not bring women to the house and go into his room and close the door. This place should not be used as a motel. I really want your advice.

R.

Dear R.,

I want you to know that I support you in the stand that you have taken. The young man does not respect you; neither does he respect his mother. His mother knows that she has been encouraging him to do what he is doing. You know that he turns up his music in the room because he doesn’t want anyone to hear if he is having sex with these women. But whether or not he is having sex with them, he is being very disrespectful to take women to your house and close his bedroom door. Your wife is behaving as if she does not believe in good morals.

I am not a lawyer, but I would think that you should see a lawyer and get advice from him or her. Your wife is behaving as if she would fight you over the house. From the little knowledge I have, she will have a fight at hand, but I am not a lawyer, therefore I should not attempt to give legal advice.

Pastor